Bereavement

The death of a loved one can be a deeply traumatic event creating many emotions.  Each of us will react in different ways.  This leaflet describes some of the feelings and emotions frequently experienced by bereaved people.  Knowing others have shared similar feelings may bring some comfort.

When someone we love dies we may feel that the situation is quite unreal at first.  Some other emotions frequently experienced are loss, sadness, guilt, anger and numbness.

You may not want to talk about the death of feel able to make decisions.  Parting from your loved one can be very difficult.  You will ask yourself many questions:-

• Why Me?
• What could I have done?
• What will I do?

These are all parts of normal grieving.

You may even experience similar symptoms to the patient who has died.  This can be very frightening.  These feelings may last a long time and leave you physically and emotionally drained.

They vary in their intensity and you may find it helps if you try to:-

• Express your feelings to an understanding listener.
• Continue to talk about your loved one.
• Allow yourself to grieve again on anniversaries, birthdays, etc.
• Accept that memories will remain – some will be painful, but some will be comforting.
• Take time to take care of yourself.
• Involve all the family members, including children, in the grieving process.

 

WHAT TO DO NEXT

Registration of Death

Once a certificate of the cause of death has been obtained either from the GP or HM Coroner, this must be taken to the Registrar of Births and Deaths in the district where the death occurred.  You are legally obliged to do this within five working days of obtaining the certificate of the cause of death.  This is best done by the next of kin, or someone with detailed family knowledge.  You may wish to bring a friend or relative with you and, if possible the deceased’s birth certificate, marriage certificate (if appropriate) and medical card.  The address of the Registrar will be listed under “registration of births and deaths” in your telephone directory.

The Registrar will issue you with two copies of the Death Certificate. One copy is for the funeral director and the other copy will be necessary for social security purposes.  Additional copies can be obtained from the Registrar for a small additional charge.

 

Arranging the Funeral

The funeral director will require the Death Certificate before he can proceed with the funeral arrangements.

Reputable directors are committed to the highest professional standards and will explain clearly all the options available and will provide a clear estimate of the costs involved.  In cases of hardship you may be able to apply for a “funeral payment” from the Social Fund towards the costs of a simple but dignified ceremony.  The funeral director can advise you on this.  If you have not already done so they can put you in touch with a minister or spiritual leader of the appropriate faith, if you wish.  They can also, if you wish arrange to move the body to their own chapel of rest prior to the funeral.

If you wish to have the body cremated a further form signed by two independent doctors needs to be obtained.  The funeral director will arrange this for you.

 

Seek Help

Grieving emotions can be frightening and sometimes more help is needed.  Please seek help if you continue to:-

• Be overwhelmed by emotions.
• Have difficulty sleeping
• Lack the ability to concentrate on everyday things.
• Use alcohol, medication or tobacco to excess.
• Have difficulties with other relationships.
• Feel the need to share your emotions but have no one else who listens.

As well as your own GP, there are many other organisations that may be able to provide you with help and support such as the Samaritans.  The Samaritans number is detailed below and they will be able to suggest other organisations to which you can turn to for help.

The Samaritans Helpline 08457 909090

 

Social Security Issues

Any pension of benefit books payable to the deceased must be returned to the Social Security Office.

In the days to come you will also need to attend other practical issues such as:

• Banks and savings accounts
• Insurance policies
• Rent and unpaid bills
• Solicitors
• Notice on the local paper (the funeral director may organise this)

 

Telephones numbers and information which you may find helpful at this stressful time

The National Society of Allied & Independent Funeral Directors 0845 230 6777

http://www.saif.org.uk/website/index.html

http://www.samaritans.org.uk/

National Association of Funeral Directors 0845 230 1343

http://www.nafd.org.uk

 

• Bereavement Cafe in partnership with Princess Alice, on the fourth Thursday of each month from 10.30 at Hampton Hill URC – a place to meet people, free.
• The Compassionate Friends (support people after the death of a child of any age): https://www.tcf.org.uk/
• CRUSE: https://www.cruse.org.uk/get-help/local-services/south-east/richmond-upon-thames
• Samaritans (emotional support): http://www.samaritans.org.uk/
• Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide: https://uksobs.org/
• Winston’s Wish (support for bereaved children, young people, and families): https://www.winstonswish.org/

 

From The Hampton Medical Centre

May We Offer You Our Deepest Sympathy